No. 02: Establishing Healthy Rhythms for Couples + Families

In this episode we discuss:

• Why we need to be intentional with our relationships and families
• The importance of having a goal and healthy rhythms
• Encouragement for a spouse who wants to be intentional with communication and rhythms but is facing resistance from their spouse
• Some of our regular rhythms

The path of least resistance - our default

If we aren't intentional and purposeful with how we structure our time as a family, we're likely going to slip into the path of least resistance.

From the beginning of Creation, the original family had something they were shooting for. Obviously if you know how the story of the Bible goes, you know they also epically failed, BUT they had something they were shooting for. And they were given a purpose: to be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it.

What if we ran our businesses like we tend to run our families?

This is the major question that Patrick Lencioni addresses in his book, 3 Big Questions for a Frantic Family – highly recommend! If we believe that our family is our priority to steward well, we need to take this role seriously. We need to treat it as seriously as a CEO would treat their role in a Fortune 500 company. As believers, if we truly believe that our families are our primary calling, does how we prioritize and spend or time with them reflect that?

Healthy Rhythms Don't Mean Fun-Sucking

Creating these intentional rhythms doesn't mean you have to have super strict schedules and boring routines. We ain't about that in the Sibley house. BUT – oftentimes schedules and routines do allow MORE opportunities to be spontaneous.

There can be a lot of resistance, often from one of the two spouses, to being intentional about communication and rhythms. We've both talked to plenty of people who are totally on board but their spouse ain't about it.

In this case, here's our encouragement:

• Highlight the WHY for the importance of having healthy family (including couples with no kids) rhythms
• Ask how THEY would like to see the family grow/improve. Highlight their voice.
• Ask what their hesitations are. Is it because they don't feel like there's time? They don't feel like it's necessary? It's boring?
• Start small. One tiny degree shift. One baby step. Even just implementing "High, Low, Buffalo" before bed every night.

Some of our regular rhythms

Morning: waking up before the kids to read our Bibles in the morning; Xan makes the bed and tidies the kitchen while Nathaniel makes eggs for the girls; we read a Psalm and pray as a family before Nathaniel leaves for work every morning.

Night: 15 minute tidy while we recap our day and do high/low/buffalo, make sure all the laundry is put away before getting in bed

Where to start with implementing healthy rhythms

1. Figure out what your family values the most in the season. Whether that's family times, a tidy home, eating dinner together – it will vary from season to season.
2. Develop an intentional and purposeful goal to work towards. This will be based on what you value most in this season. Maybe it's healthy conflict resolution, maybe with's getting into a routine with regular exercise, maybe it's keeping your car cleaned. Explicitly name the goal and write it down. We do this in something we call our Family Gameplan - more on that later ;)
3. Have regular times to meet and discuss how you're doing. Reflection and evaluation is the name of the game. Set up a time to meet every week to intentionally check in with your spouse and evaluate how you're doing with your goals. Here is a list of 12 questions we go through every Sunday night as part of our weekly meeting.

Want more?

5 Ways to Slow Down Today (Without Overhauling Your Schedule)