Weekly Marriage Meeting Questions: The 17 We Ask Every Sunday

Every Sunday night for about seven years, after the kids go to bed, we've sat down with the same list of questions. We started in a marbled composition notebook, moved to a list on our phones, and now use a journal our kids have scribbled all over.

People ask us all the time, “What do you actually talk about?” This is the answer: the exact 17 questions we ask, why each one earns its spot, and what they've looked like in our real marriage. Take what helps and leave what doesn't. If you want it all on one page, grab the free weekly marriage meeting template.

What is a weekly marriage meeting?

A weekly marriage meeting is a set time each week when you and your spouse sit down, without distractions, and work through the same guided questions. Ours is Sunday around 8 p.m. and takes 30 to 60 minutes.

Why questions instead of just “catching up”? In busy seasons, couples drift into living like roommates. Conversation shrinks to logistics: who's picking up the kids, what's for dinner. Even when you do sit down together, you're tired, and it's easy to default to scrolling.

A set list fixes three things:

• It makes hard topics normal. Money, sex and conflict come up every week, so nobody has to find the perfect moment. As Xan puts it, “It's not awkward to bring it up because you're just answering the question.”
• It keeps things from festering. If a fight happens on Monday, the longest you'll go before talking it through is six days.
• It makes your limited time count. Thirty focused minutes beat three hours side by side on your phones.

We've called it the most transformational habit in our marriage more times than we can count. It's not because the questions are magic. It's because we keep coming back to them. (Want the backstory? Read why this is the one habit we'd give every couple.)

Part 1: 12 questions to reconnect and get on the same page

This half takes about three-quarters of our time. We often start it while doing the dishes or folding laundry, and by the end we're sitting down.

1. What was your high, low and buffalo of the week?

Your high is the best part of the week. Your low is the hardest moment, or something you want prayer for. Your buffalo is anything random: something funny, surprising or that you learned.

Why we ask it: it makes you replay the week. Honestly, some Sundays we have to scroll back through the calendar to remember what happened Tuesday. The buffalo makes you dig for things you'd never otherwise share.

2. How was your time in the Word and prayer?

Our relationship with God comes before our relationship with each other, so it comes first. This isn't a box to check. It's a springboard.

Our example: for several weeks we both admitted we'd been inconsistent with morning Bible reading. So we moved it to bedtime: screens away, read in bed, share one takeaway, pray, sleep. Without this question, we may never have made that change.

3. How did I serve you well last week?

The person answering has to think back through every way they were served, which trains you to notice. The person hearing it learns what actually lands.

4. How can I best serve you this week?

This question used to be “How can I serve you better?” We changed one word. “Better” implied something went wrong. “Best” looks forward, because what you need changes week to week.

Our example: one recent Sunday, Xan asked Nathaniel to help keep the house tidied so she could be in bed by 9:30 every night. Nathaniel asked Xan to be kinder in her tone. That one is, in her words, “on rotation.”

5. Did we handle conflict well? If not, how could we have handled it better?

We debrief our fights against our conflict resolution plan: where it went sideways, why, and what we'll do next time. It's much easier to talk about a fight a few days removed from the heat of it.

Our example: for months we basically skipped this question because “everything's going well.” Then we had a bad Saturday, and the question was right there waiting for us.

6. Is any conflict unresolved?

Small slights are easy to bury. One Sunday Nathaniel brought up something from a camping weekend that we'd never talked through. Tip: keep a private note on your phone of anything you want to bring up. It's a reminder, not a record of wrongs.

7. Have we been faithful stewards of God's money, and did we stick to our budget?

We pull up the budget (we use EveryDollar) and check where we are in each category. Doing this weekly keeps money from becoming a silent stressor that blows up at the end of the month.

8. How can we be generous with our time, talents and treasures this week?

This is where we notice needs at church or in our neighborhood, or decide who to invite over for dinner. Generosity doesn't happen by accident.

9. How has our intimacy been, physically and emotionally?

This is the question couples are most nervous about, and the one we'd fight hardest to keep. Often the answer is “I've felt emotionally distant, so there's been physical distance,” and that's exactly the conversation worth having.

If you're the spouse with the higher drive and you're afraid of adding pressure, knowing this question comes every week means you never go more than seven days without a natural, expected time to talk about it.

10. What's on our schedule this week, and what do we expect from each other?

We open our shared calendar and walk through it day by day: who's doing bedtime, who takes which kid to T-ball, and whether someone's work week is heavy.

Our example: Nathaniel once mentioned he was “talking to Chad about the Cubs.” He meant he was buying tickets. Xan found out the night before that he'd be gone all day. Now we name expectations out loud, because when you know it's coming, you can handle a lot.

11. A fun question

The journal has 52 random ones, such as “Personal chef or personal driver?” (we both said chef, instantly), “What's your favorite inside joke of ours?” and “What made you laugh this week?” It keeps the meeting from feeling like a board meeting.

12. What are three things you appreciate about me?

We each name three specific things. We put this last on purpose: even if the meeting got heavy, it ends with gratitude.

Part 2: 5 steps to re-anchor on what matters most

Confession: for years we were great at Part 1 and skipped this half. When we tracked it, we finished it about one week in four. It takes less time than Part 1, and it's the part that keeps the main thing the main thing.

13. Write out your family mission statement

Ours is “Pursue faithfulness, play the long game, live with open hands.” We write it every single week, because what's the point of a North Star you never look at? Then we ask: did we live this out this week, and which part didn't we? (New to this? Here's how to write a family mission statement.)

14. Score each core value from 1 to 5

We have six values: spiritual disciplines, family time, hospitality, financial stewardship, holistic health, and cleanliness and organization. We each score how the past week went, from 1 (“literally did not show up”) to 5 (“we killed it, can't improve much in this season”), and say why.

15. Pick one value to focus on this week

Usually it's the lowest score. Then we name one or two concrete actions. You can't prioritize everything every week.

Our example: after we moved to Wisconsin, our Saturday Sabbath quietly disappeared for about six months. It kept scoring low in this section until we finally said, “We're saying this every week. We need to buckle down.” Another time, spiritual disciplines scored a 2, so we added a midday text: “How can I be praying for you?”

16. Look back at last week's prayers

Flip back to last week's page and note answered prayers. It's so easy to forget how the Lord has provided.

17. Write down this week's prayer requests and pray together

We end the meeting the same way every time: praying for each other.

How to run your weekly marriage meeting

• Pick a time and protect it. Sunday night works for us because it closes out one week and sets up the next. Put it on the calendar and treat it like an appointment with your boss.
• Plan for 30 to 60 minutes. If you're starting out, 20 is fine.
• Wait until the kids are asleep. You'll never get through question 9 with someone asking for a snack every five seconds.
• Choose a writer. One person holds the pen. We only write down the high-low-buffalo, the mission statement, the value scores and prayer requests, so the writing doesn't slow us down. Years later, that notebook becomes a record of how far you've come.
• Make it something to look forward to. A charcuterie board and a fun drink after bedtime, and you've got an at-home date night.
• Don't chase perfect questions. We've rewritten ours many times. What matters is covering your relationship with God, money, intimacy, conflict and your week, every week.

What if your spouse isn't on board yet?

We get this message constantly: “I love the idea, but it takes two to tango.” Some spouses hear “weekly meeting” and think cheesy, stuffy or too businesslike. If that's you, don't start with 17 questions. Start small and build:

1. One question a week: “How can I best serve you this week?” In our experience, most spouses will start asking it back.
2. A nightly high-low-buffalo. It takes five minutes, and you can share yours even if they don't share theirs.
3. A 10-minute weekly huddle on logistics: the calendar, groceries, and what's stressing you out.
4. The full meeting, once the habit feels normal.

You can only control your own actions. Pray for your spouse, stay kind, and celebrate small wins out loud: “I felt so loved when you asked me that.”

Start this Sunday

Thriving marriages don't happen by accident. They're built one small, repeated choice at a time, one degree at a time. You don't need all 17 questions this week. Pick a night, put it on the calendar, and ask the first four.

Download the free weekly marriage meeting template. If you want everything in one place, with the questions, a fun question for every week, and room to look back on a year of meetings, check out the Weekly Marriage Meeting Journal. And for the whole story behind how we run it, listen to our full walkthrough episode on the podcast.