No. 25: Gender Roles in Marriage Pt. 2 (Husbands)

By Xan SibleyNovember 14, 20225 min readSave

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This episode is part two of a mini-series on Gender Roles in Marriage! Last week, we talked about what the Bible actually says about the role of wives in marriage. This week, it's all about the husbands!

Like we said last week, please don’t dismiss what we have to say, give it some thought and prayer, and examine what we say against the Bible, and see for yourself if what we are saying is accurate and true.

What does Scripture have to say about husbands and the role of men in marriage? To be clear, we’re specifically talking about husbands and wives, not gender roles in general for men and women.

Let’s dive in!

Back to the Beginning

The best place to start is in the beginning, so we’re going to look at Genesis 1, just like we did for wives! In the garden of Eden, both men and women, husbands and wives are made in the image of God. Both men and women are able to uniquely reflect God in certain ways. Based on this, we can say that the primary role of the husband is to glorify God. The primary goal of every Christian, and honestly every person, is to believe the gospel, live it out, and therefore glorify God.

Husbands are called to submit to Christ

So where should you start if you want to be a biblical husband? Your own walk with the Lord. Husbands, are you submitting to the Spirit and to Christ in every aspect of your life? Are you confessing sin and regularly in the Word and praying? Are you an active member of your local church?

Unfortunately, in our culture, husbands often leave the spiritual leadership to their wives. They take a more passive role and just do whatever their wives want to do. Husbands, you need to focus on your own walk with the Lord, because if you aren't doing any of the things we mentioned above, your marriage is going to suffer.

Moving on to Genesis 2, we see that God gave the command to not eat of that one tree to Adam before Eve was created. Adam has a responsibility to communicate this command to Eve and to ensure that they obey this command. Later in Genesis 3, the devil goes to Eve first and in their conversation, Eve adds to God's commandment. Either Eve mistook God's command, or Adam didn't do a good job of helping her understand exactly what God's command was. Adam passively watched this scene play out and even ate the fruit too. We don't want to get caught up in the debate about whose fault it is. Either way, Adam fails in his leadership, guidance, and protection. Even though Eve ate first, the first person that God goes to after they sin is Adam.

Biblical husbands have a responsibility to lead, guide, protect, and provide for their families. Too often, husbands only focus on providing for their families, while neglecting the other important aspects of their role in marriage.

Husbands are called to love

So what does it look like to be a husband? It starts with love. Ephesians 5:25-28 tells husbands that they are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. This is an incredibly high calling- how did Christ do this? He lived a perfect life, suffered brutal beatings, and died to cleanse humanity from its sins. This is the type of love that husbands are called to have for their wives. This is radical and many Christian husbands don't truly understand the level of love they are expected to have for their wives.

Colossians 3:19 also instructs husbands to love their wives. We think husbands have the tendency to either "lord over" and control their wives and demand submission or they are more passive as their wives take on the responsibility of leadership and taking care of the home and children. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 gives us a biblical picture of what love is. Husbands, this is how you are supposed to love your wife.

Husbands are called to lead and guide

You are also called to take an active role in the home and in the spiritual lives of your wives and children.

What does this look like?

Initiate conversations with your wife about goals, dreams, family vision, and direction.
Sacrifice and be willing to talk with your wife, even if you just want to relax after a long day (especially if your wife is at home all day with the kids).
Take care of the kids and play an active role at home.
Lead a family worship and devotion time.
Regularly ask your wife how you can grow and lead as a father.
Never make decisions on your own.
Find ways to serve your wife, which includes taking care of kids and doing chores around the house, or maybe getting up in the middle of the night with crying kids.

Sacrifice in Marriage

Sacrifice is a big part of marriage, and both husbands and wives are called to sacrificially love their spouses. Husbands, consider the desires and wants of your wife and choose to sacrifice your own desires for her. Because we are sinful, we know that this is difficult to do. Even when we try to be sacrificial, sometimes our motives aren't entirely selfless. But a godly marriage seeks the good of the other first. Continuously seek to serve one another.

Ultimately, we hope that this episode serves as a catalyst for husbands to dive into Scripture and flesh out what it means to be a biblical and godly husband.

One Degree Shift

Husbands, write down 4 ways that you can genuinely sacrifice to serve your wife. Make them things that she would really appreciate and want you to do. Either try to do all of them this week or do one a week over the next month!